


i made this wish a long time ago

by purinesoot (vivisuals)



Series: love begets hate, hate begets anger [2]
Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Neglect, Sort of? - Freeform, Wilbur Soot and Technoblade and TommyInnit are Siblings, i'm a tommy apologist, tubbo and techno are only mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:20:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28630173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vivisuals/pseuds/purinesoot
Summary: Tommy wishes for many things to come true, but they never really do.
Relationships: TommyInnit & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Series: love begets hate, hate begets anger [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2097735
Comments: 8
Kudos: 198





	i made this wish a long time ago

**Author's Note:**

> *inserts pic of philza minecraft looking out at the sea* M A N
> 
> i'm still not over the doomsday stream but at least alivebur is coming back (i hope that's a good thing). admittedly this fic isn't really up to my expectations but i didn't know how to continue writing without making what i wanted to be conveyed more confusing LMAO. 
> 
> i saw this on the dream smp wiki (wilbur has always displayed a hunger to be accepted, especially from his father, phil, implying that he struggled with feeling unloved or overlooked when he was younger) and adding to tommy facing the same thing in his more recent streams, i just couldn't resist.
> 
> edit: the part where philza says he has favorites but doesn't play favorites was inspired by @ BrigadeLost's comic: https://twitter.com/BrigadeLost/status/1336809355824553985?s=19

Parents love their children equally, Philza once said to a young Tommy. Why, the younger blond had asked with a scrunched up nose and a throat hoarse from an earlier quarrel between them. Philza gathered the boy into his arms and smoothed down his unkempt hair and answered, "It's because all of you are irreplaceable."

Tommy, like his brothers Technoblade and Wilbur, were all unique. Technoblade was collected, intelligent and had a great affinity for battles and wars. Wilbur was calm, bright and had a burning passion for music and writing. Tommy was none of those. He was brash, rebellious and loved playing pranks and play-fighting until they got too serious. 

Tommy knew he couldn't hold a candle to Techno or Wilbur. That's why he wished to be like them so he could make his family proud and happy. Those types of wishes weren’t made that often though, for he had better and greater things to wish for.

Sometimes, after Philza would close his bedroom door after reading him a bedtime story, Tommy would sit up in his bed and place his arms on the nearby windowsill. Philza used to tell him when a shooting star flew across the sky, one could make even the most impossible wish and it would come true. Tommy, in all of his childish innocence and hope, would clasp his hands together and wait for a white streak of light to appear in the dark sky.

The shooting star would emerge if he was lucky, and Tommy would shut his eyes and make a wish. A lot of times the child wished for a new toy, a new disc or a good grade for his school test. The star hardly worked its magic and made his wishes come true, much to his chagrin. However, the times it did so miraculously made him believe more in the shooting star and its wish-fulfilling ability.

It slowly became a habit for Tommy to feign sleep until his father had left his room and the footsteps had become softer and lighter, before he would unburrow from his covers and kneel on his bed while facing the open window. 

“Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight-”

I’m sorry Tommy, but I’m really busy, was what Philza would usually say whenever Tommy would pull on the edge of his kimono sleeve to get the older’s attention. Tommy, being the stubborn gremlin he was, would continue to bug his father until Philza bent down to speak to him.

"Tommy I'm _really_ , _really_ busy today. I gotta help Techno with his weapons. You heard about that contest he's entering right?"

"Tommy I can't play with you now. I need to go pick up some stuff in a few minutes' time with Techno."

"Not now Tommy. Techno's having a bad day and I can't leave him all alone in the bedroom."

"Please Tommy. Your old man is trying to work out some really important stuff here. Techno has already asked for help earlier."

Tommy was sure Philza had said nearly the same thing to Wilbur when the brunet would approach their father for help, and Wilbur would acquiesce almost immediately and retreat into his room quietly.

For Tommy, it was different. He would let his emotions control his actions and make the entire house shake with his reverberating shrills of defiance and anger. 

It usually ended with a lengthy scolding and some words of reason from his father before being sent to Wilbur to keep him occupied. A lot of times when Wilbur was at the receiving end, the older would approach Tommy and play and fight and laugh with him until Philza came back from whatever he was doing with Technoblade to beckon them to come out for a meal.

It's not your fault, a teenage Wilbur had once comforted him when the young boy came running to him one night after Philza had forgotten to get him a music disc but remembered to get Technoblade a new and shiny iron sword. Tommy was crying, face red from sadness and a slight tinge of anger while his eyes watered uncontrollably.

Tommy had hiccuped through his sobs and demanded to know why Philza seemed to not care that much about him (and Wilbur, but he didn't mention the brunet's name). Wilbur had only looked at him with an indiscernible expression that Tommy later remembered it as one of empathy. “Oh Tommy, I really don’t know.” Wilbur muttered as he took his brother into his arms and soothed him. 

Spending time with Wilbur became more often as Tommy grew older and distant from his father and eldest brother. Moreover, with the brunet being in the same predicament even before Tommy had joined the family, Tommy felt like he could finally have a constant guiding figure in his life. Well, until he didn’t when Wilbur spiraled during their exile from Manberg and Philza killed Wilbur. 

Tommy never felt so lost and desperate then. 

I _have_ favourites, but I _don't_ play favourites, Philza had emphasised to Tommy one day in his stern voice, when Tommy had thrown a tantrum for having to do his own school project with Wilbur who preferred geography over history. He had asked, pleaded, bribed, coerced his father to help him but the moment Technoblade entered the room and had requested help and advice from Philza, the man immediately placed all his attention on the piglin.

Tommy ended up stomping back to his room where Wilbur was lying lazily on the blond’s bed, stringing his guitar. “He didn’t say yes?” The brunet immediately sat up as he gazed at his younger brother whose face was contorted with rage. Tommy shook his head and dragged an arm over his eyes, trying to quell the start of a sob.

“Techno came and he left.” The boy muttered as he slumped into the awaiting arms of Wilbur. The older boy asked, “I heard him say something that made you really angry. You wanna tell me about it?” Tommy remained silent while he mulled over it and he tightened his hold around Wilbur’s neck.

“He said he’s got favorites, but he doesn’t play favorites.” He knew Wilbur knew who their father’s favorite was. Technoblade was the cream of the crop and the most skilled fighter in their family. Wilbur and him had watched from the sidelines their father dueling with their eldest brother and with every defeat or victory came praises and rewards. 

That didn’t mean Wilbur and Tommy were neglected, for Philza treated them the same way whenever they came to him with splendid achievements. It was just that their father showered their eldest brother the most. 

Wilbur had froze when Tommy said that and the latter felt a cold, aching chill down his spine. It felt like Wilbur was provoked by the words said by their father, but the blond didn’t give much thought as he fell into a warm lull of sleep in his brother’s embrace.

“-I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight.”

Tommy had never cried when L’Manberg was blown up for the first time, when he felt indescribable pain bloom in his chest when he got shot by Dream, when Tubbo lost a life to Technoblade during the Manberg Festival, when L’Manberg blew up for the second time by Wilbur and Wilbur died and left him and Tubbo all alone to pick up the pieces of their decimated nation, when Tubbo exiled him to keep his last life beating steadily.

Yet, Tommy could feel his lips trembling and threatening to spill out a loud, treacherous sob. He pressed his chapped lips together and inhaled heavily. His eyes pricked and became moist as the drizzle grew into a thunderstorm, making him unable to differentiate between raindrops and teardrops.

“We lost, Tubbo.” Tommy was thankful that he could manage his voice to sound as calm and stable as possible in front of his best friend. He was still reeling from events of the past and present, unanswered questions and unresolved emotions that had been bottled up mixing together to procure bitter-tasting thoughts in his mind.

Where was his family when he needed them the most? Where were the brothers and father he always loved and looked up to when he needed comfort and guidance? Was his family nothing but a namesake?

The clanking of armoured boots made Tommy swivel around, looking at a once familiar and sturdy figure. It was his father, in all of his sinful glory and sinless wrongdoings. The younger blond wanted to scream and shout and yell and cry at Philza, but he didn't.

"Tell me Philza," Tommy rasped, "do parents love their children equally?" The older blond man looked at his son who was weathered from wars started by adults and betrayal shot from all sides. Under the pelting rain, Philza swallowed thickly, “Yes. Every child of mine is irreplaceable.” 

Tommy trembled in his place, from anger or sadness he did not know. “You always said that to me. When you were too busy to pay attention to me and I got mad at you. When Wilbur would sulk and cry for days whenever you focused too much on Techno.” He clenched his fists as he pressed forward, taking a tentative step towards his father.

He didn’t, couldn’t bear to blame his father for the things he had mourned over when he was younger. Philza tried his best, he really did, and Tommy could list countless good things the man had done for his three sons. But nothing was really black and white, was it? In the midst of being the best father he tried to be, Philza had unconsciously struggled to focus on his children equally. 

Tommy knew no one was perfect. Philza had his transgressions as an only parent to three sons who paid the price of such acts. Tommy refused to learn from his mistakes and suffered the consequences. Both father and son weren't flawless, they each had their own fair share of wrongs.

But for Philza to not support and defend and help Tommy when the latter was part of L'Manberg and instead follow Technoblade to even the depths of hell, leaving the teenager without a father for guidance, Tommy hated it.

He abhorred his father's preferences for his eldest brother, he detested his father's unlimited time and effort spent on Technoblade, and he felt justified hatred fueling every inch of his skin as he thought of all the times Philza neglected him and Wilbur.

Perhaps, a small and defiant voice said, it was Philza's fault that led to Wilbur's decline and eventual fall. It was Philza's fault that led to Tommy's battle scars and waning optimism. It was Philza’s fault that led to Technoblade’s bloodthirsty fight against his own brother and always remaining unscathed from Phil’s rage and disapproval.

“I wished,” Tommy whispered loudly, “you loved me and Wilbur as much as you love Technoblade.” Philza wanted to drop his weapons and fill his hands with his youngest child’s shaking body wracked with sobs. The painful confession made his heart tear itself apart more than it did when Wilbur died in his arms, and he wished he could show his two younger sons that he truly loved them equally.

Philza strode towards the younger blond and pressed the latter’s head into the crook of his neck, feeling Tommy stiffen as he felt his cold neck turn warmer from the boy’s tears. Tommy’s voice was muffled as he spoke, “I wished- I wished I didn’t love you. Then maybe, I wouldn’t hate you at all.” 

“Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight.” A twelve year old Tommy was sat on his bed, hands clasped as the beginnings of a shooting star streaked past the vast night sky. 

Earlier that day, he had seen Wilbur’s eyes tinged in sore redness again when he had opened the door to Tommy’s bedroom, shakily asking if the boy would like to go out into the woods with him. Tommy’s heart had sank as he nodded wordlessly before rushing to Wilbur, wrapping his arms around the latter’s torso and squeezing him tight.

The boy closed his eyes and breathed lightly, mouth spilling out familiar words of uncertain hope that had been said so many times. 

“I wish dad loves me and Wilbur.”

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading :D


End file.
